I am kind of bored. In the town I’m in, in my neighborhood, in my school, life goes on and nothing new is happening.

My girlfriend left me around last month, maybe more, I can’t exactly remember. We had been together for a year and some months before this. I truly loved her. We’ve talked a lot about our prospects together and it was clear that we would breakup when I’d leave for my journey: she was studying at university and wasn’t so keen on just letting things happens while still keeping a loving contact. I accepted this idea because I knew that the travel pace along with the geographical distance would keep myself alive. But you know, it’s always harder for the one who stays—we, once again, talked a lot, and after multiple doubts from here side, she decided it was the better for her to break up before this moment since it was bringing her a lot of suffering to know that I would leave.

Technically it shouldn’t change too much for me since we would have separated when I left, but whatever, my heart doesn’t feel like it and is just screaming me to stay only to get her back. I had my doubts, but I know I have to leave ; even with the pandemic, it’s the moment I waited for the last three years and I’m done with school. I’m not missing this chance.

But now, I can say I finally got used to this break up. This doesn’t mean I don’t regret it, but it had to happen and I’ve accepted it. At least, I believe I have. The only thing I have to settle down is how bored I am. When people ask me how I do, I say: I’m waiting. I’m not impatient, but usually, I find something to do, to keep my mental on the rails—it’s often projects. Here, it’s the end of the school year, exams are coming and I’ll soon be leaving. I’ve seen my mock exam results and I know that my diploma is almost already in my pocket. But it doesn’t mean much since I still have to do a short french review and I must be present for the three weeks duration of the exams.

All this means is that I have a shit ton of spare time and I’m just not allowed to use it freely. Everything is screaming at me to study for the exams, but I just can’t. It’s the end, I’ve gone through all those classes, just give me this diploma already. So what do I do? I hang on my computer. I’m not leaving my room. I’m not even reading books anymore. I still go to school though, but I end up doing the same things that at home (I doesn’t really makes sense, does it?).

One thing is certain though, is that this situation happened last year and the years before: “holidays” are coming along the nice weather and my efforts are coming to an end. I’ve gotten to know myself a bit more, I always feel like shit at this time of the year, but the good always overrides the bad.

Just walk on. Things will work out. Waiting is fucking boring.

Have a nice day if you’re reading this. Don’t hesitate to come and chat if you’re as bored as me.